Confessions of a thoughtful mind
It’s grey, it’s raining, it’s Valentine’s day. What an invention is that anyway? (not an American one; dates back to the year 496 somewhere in Europe, or that is what I at least learned in my management class today). I forgot my glasses when going to uni; I forgot Simon’s birthday and he is not answering his phone- I don’t know which one is worse? Maybe it should not be compared?
On days like today I start turning into worst-case scenario mode and I do not even want to know nor can I realize how unhappy or expressionless, indifferent I must look to other people; until someone makes me smile and I feel the muscles in my face moving. Do you know that feeling? When you are bored the whole day and nobody really wakes you up; when you get upset about MS Word not finding the right words in the “translator”-options when you really need to find them right now and put them into a nice sentence cause it makes you feel so better with every digital spot of ink sucking into itself the exponentially accumulated misery of a grey day…
And you start realizing that life is not so bad after all… but before all anger and frustration have evaporated, I should waste some moments to partially immortalize it in the form of digital ink- and just to let you guys know that it is not all so great even though I make it seem that way. It is not really!
I slept for three hours tonight since bugged by mosquitoes biting so bad that my face had only one eye in the morning- it got better by applying a cold beer can… classes were boring as most of the time- today I learned in Econometrics, how to calculate the mean of a random sample of observations. And this after two full weeks of class! How mind-boggling! To top it I had to switch class from Fixed Income (apparently I do not fulfill the “prerequisites” to take a Bachelor-level course…) to Business Ethics- a management class although management here seems to resemble more IB back at HSE. And to calm all IB majors (I am not degrading the teaching at “our” school): “even” the classes of Prof. Z show substance, structure and quality in comparison! So there you go: rankings are to a great extend complete BS or then absolutely mis-specified in scope of measurement- all business schools essentially preach the same; I guess the difference lies with the teachers but most of all with the students….
… and in that respect I feel often like among children (and the fact that I am taller than average and do not dress in girly hello-kitty/funky clothes aggravates the feeling). People are late, answer their phones in class, send messages with their keys on, eat their whole (warm) lunch (including the burps, which I interpret as a cultural thing), talk, run outside to answer their phones etc. etc. Questions in class concern mostly a decimal point calculated wrong in some example- as if there would have to be some prove of excelling- never general issues or true opinions (what one is supposed to think is generally explicitly given in the question). Students seem disinterested, pack their things and start chatting 5-10 minutes before the end of class (lucky that there is no “gong” every 20 minutes)- as if they were forced to be there- or maybe it is a different way of learning? Professors seem to be most concerned about everyone being present in class and being silent, knowing the deadlines and submitting their weekly home works (yes, they are called and structured as such). I know, there is a lot of the above mentioned in Finland too- but at least people are there voluntarily (presumably) and 3-4 years older on average implying a different “conduct””- it is an issue of general atmosphere which is very difficult to describe and must seem ridiculous. And there is nobody telling you which courses you can(not) take or what you have to do next. Where is academic freedom?
Writing the above I have to explicitly state that I am aware of my not all too often over- spilling arrogance bordering the widely cultivated sarcasm I so enjoy. But where does culture end and narrow-mindedness start and to which extend is a person allowed to hide behind it? What is the difference between disappointment and arrogance? What builds the basis of judgment? Maybe attitude equally determined by and in connection with personal expectations and goals- both of which I have clear definitions… over-expecting (but hey, then I could just go and travel on my own for six months…). Maybe people- their values and principles- but how well can one strip off their “masks” after three weeks? And everyone does wear one in my view -consciously or then subconsciously- and of different “texture” blurring features and character for some or then less for others. And how to create space for one’s own mask to stand out among the mass while finding likeable ones?
I often forget that there are a lot of people outside the exchange-circle- a mistake forgiven by the pace of events and incurred by the natural divide between “re-planted” existences in a place as controversial and de facto as surreally created as this? Looking beyond the here and now is not always easy - but a necessary reality check for damage control.
Dum spiro spero.
On days like today I start turning into worst-case scenario mode and I do not even want to know nor can I realize how unhappy or expressionless, indifferent I must look to other people; until someone makes me smile and I feel the muscles in my face moving. Do you know that feeling? When you are bored the whole day and nobody really wakes you up; when you get upset about MS Word not finding the right words in the “translator”-options when you really need to find them right now and put them into a nice sentence cause it makes you feel so better with every digital spot of ink sucking into itself the exponentially accumulated misery of a grey day…
And you start realizing that life is not so bad after all… but before all anger and frustration have evaporated, I should waste some moments to partially immortalize it in the form of digital ink- and just to let you guys know that it is not all so great even though I make it seem that way. It is not really!
I slept for three hours tonight since bugged by mosquitoes biting so bad that my face had only one eye in the morning- it got better by applying a cold beer can… classes were boring as most of the time- today I learned in Econometrics, how to calculate the mean of a random sample of observations. And this after two full weeks of class! How mind-boggling! To top it I had to switch class from Fixed Income (apparently I do not fulfill the “prerequisites” to take a Bachelor-level course…) to Business Ethics- a management class although management here seems to resemble more IB back at HSE. And to calm all IB majors (I am not degrading the teaching at “our” school): “even” the classes of Prof. Z show substance, structure and quality in comparison! So there you go: rankings are to a great extend complete BS or then absolutely mis-specified in scope of measurement- all business schools essentially preach the same; I guess the difference lies with the teachers but most of all with the students….
… and in that respect I feel often like among children (and the fact that I am taller than average and do not dress in girly hello-kitty/funky clothes aggravates the feeling). People are late, answer their phones in class, send messages with their keys on, eat their whole (warm) lunch (including the burps, which I interpret as a cultural thing), talk, run outside to answer their phones etc. etc. Questions in class concern mostly a decimal point calculated wrong in some example- as if there would have to be some prove of excelling- never general issues or true opinions (what one is supposed to think is generally explicitly given in the question). Students seem disinterested, pack their things and start chatting 5-10 minutes before the end of class (lucky that there is no “gong” every 20 minutes)- as if they were forced to be there- or maybe it is a different way of learning? Professors seem to be most concerned about everyone being present in class and being silent, knowing the deadlines and submitting their weekly home works (yes, they are called and structured as such). I know, there is a lot of the above mentioned in Finland too- but at least people are there voluntarily (presumably) and 3-4 years older on average implying a different “conduct””- it is an issue of general atmosphere which is very difficult to describe and must seem ridiculous. And there is nobody telling you which courses you can(not) take or what you have to do next. Where is academic freedom?
Writing the above I have to explicitly state that I am aware of my not all too often over- spilling arrogance bordering the widely cultivated sarcasm I so enjoy. But where does culture end and narrow-mindedness start and to which extend is a person allowed to hide behind it? What is the difference between disappointment and arrogance? What builds the basis of judgment? Maybe attitude equally determined by and in connection with personal expectations and goals- both of which I have clear definitions… over-expecting (but hey, then I could just go and travel on my own for six months…). Maybe people- their values and principles- but how well can one strip off their “masks” after three weeks? And everyone does wear one in my view -consciously or then subconsciously- and of different “texture” blurring features and character for some or then less for others. And how to create space for one’s own mask to stand out among the mass while finding likeable ones?
I often forget that there are a lot of people outside the exchange-circle- a mistake forgiven by the pace of events and incurred by the natural divide between “re-planted” existences in a place as controversial and de facto as surreally created as this? Looking beyond the here and now is not always easy - but a necessary reality check for damage control.
Dum spiro spero.
posted by Crazy Night Rider at 11:54 AM
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