Intro
My head is drowning in fatigue. Do you know that feeling? When you sit down somewhere passively, affectionless and the world around you appears to pass by behind a transparent but persistent curtain of fog which seemingly takes a lot of effort to reach through.*
My computer broke down sometime during spring break- or at least it was broken when I got back. Why? No clue. But upon pressing the “switch-on-button” nothing happens! S*** x 3! I am so annoyed especially since my last back up is from the pre-HK era- and I was thinking about making a back up before leaving for Borneo and I didn’t- stupid me, I should have known better! Now I will just buy a new one (an Apple, at least they appeal in looks) and try to figure out –again- how to retrieve all my files from the old one. More money to be spent….. but I really don’t give a s*** since I want …. no: I NEED my life (my computer) back!!!!!!
Despite a return which at first actually felt like coming home: driving through the empty city at 4 am on Wednesday morning, looking at familiar surroundings and looking forward to my own bed and clean clothes…. Then started turning slightly sour (dysfunctional laptop, two assignments to hand in, two days of rain only), it feels good to be here. Borneo was a great trip- although I got a bad conscience because I basically doubled the length of my spring break and really haven’t done much during the whole term- or that is what it feels like right now. I wonder if I will continue being lazy once getting back to Helsinki- to be honest: it scares me!: where is the efficiency and the fun in the work I am doing, the fun of learning? Have I lost it –on purpose? Or is it justified to just “take a break” like I am doing now? I know, I probably think too much (about unnecessary things) and all the motivation will be there –maybe even to a greater extend than before- in a rested mind, ready to be used…. Or that is what I hope.
But what triggers thoughts like these? I would assume traveling and everything that comes with it: the hours spend idle moving from point A to B, looking out the window and watching an unknown world go after its everyday business, which one as a traveler can observe from the outside but never be completely part of without committing, settling down in that place, world, society. Meeting people, who have either fallen for the belonging (rather than the longing) and have stayed on in a place they were never supposed to- or those who long fore more and more worlds without ever finding their own, restless, constantly on the move. Traveling is exhausting, but simultaneously rewarding. And scary because at least I start to question the purpose of what I am doing and the way I live my life – not fundamentally but in its small aspects of implementation- once faced with completely contrasting realities.
Borneo. Borneo is jungle, wilderness, wildlife, little towns, some tourists (but not too many) and at the same time luring in the shadows the dream of the (absurd) pursuit of something the western world calls (material) wealth.
* Can one call this a post-travel-back-home crisis with five more weeks left in HK and too little time to see and do everything… ???
My computer broke down sometime during spring break- or at least it was broken when I got back. Why? No clue. But upon pressing the “switch-on-button” nothing happens! S*** x 3! I am so annoyed especially since my last back up is from the pre-HK era- and I was thinking about making a back up before leaving for Borneo and I didn’t- stupid me, I should have known better! Now I will just buy a new one (an Apple, at least they appeal in looks) and try to figure out –again- how to retrieve all my files from the old one. More money to be spent….. but I really don’t give a s*** since I want …. no: I NEED my life (my computer) back!!!!!!
Despite a return which at first actually felt like coming home: driving through the empty city at 4 am on Wednesday morning, looking at familiar surroundings and looking forward to my own bed and clean clothes…. Then started turning slightly sour (dysfunctional laptop, two assignments to hand in, two days of rain only), it feels good to be here. Borneo was a great trip- although I got a bad conscience because I basically doubled the length of my spring break and really haven’t done much during the whole term- or that is what it feels like right now. I wonder if I will continue being lazy once getting back to Helsinki- to be honest: it scares me!: where is the efficiency and the fun in the work I am doing, the fun of learning? Have I lost it –on purpose? Or is it justified to just “take a break” like I am doing now? I know, I probably think too much (about unnecessary things) and all the motivation will be there –maybe even to a greater extend than before- in a rested mind, ready to be used…. Or that is what I hope.
But what triggers thoughts like these? I would assume traveling and everything that comes with it: the hours spend idle moving from point A to B, looking out the window and watching an unknown world go after its everyday business, which one as a traveler can observe from the outside but never be completely part of without committing, settling down in that place, world, society. Meeting people, who have either fallen for the belonging (rather than the longing) and have stayed on in a place they were never supposed to- or those who long fore more and more worlds without ever finding their own, restless, constantly on the move. Traveling is exhausting, but simultaneously rewarding. And scary because at least I start to question the purpose of what I am doing and the way I live my life – not fundamentally but in its small aspects of implementation- once faced with completely contrasting realities.
Borneo. Borneo is jungle, wilderness, wildlife, little towns, some tourists (but not too many) and at the same time luring in the shadows the dream of the (absurd) pursuit of something the western world calls (material) wealth.
* Can one call this a post-travel-back-home crisis with five more weeks left in HK and too little time to see and do everything… ???
posted by Crazy Night Rider at 9:45 AM
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